So, I’m not really a earth-pagan-wicca girl. But I like seasons, I like milestones through out the year, I like that it means to have different mindspirit. Sometimes I’m sad were are not living in the country to connect more with nature. Most of the time I don’t care, I like the city. I take care of some plants and always hope to growth my own.
Anyway. So it was Imbolc. It’s that time of the year, where we are half-way of winter, where the sun is staying more time. So it is time to reflect on spring to come, since it is right after Chinese New Year – which I celebrate ( all occasions are good to celebrate, and anyway, I never feel it’s a new year until Chinese New Year / Spring ) it is really time to reflect on : the fuck am I going to do this year ?
Well, until 5 minutes ago, I had plan to enroll into army and get them pay me my studies, but they don’t do this, they need you to already have the fucking paper. Than I learn I’m 5 months to be too old for this fucking army. Since I won’t get my visa very soon, that’s also dead. So I’m pretty much screwd. Actually, I don’t have any future ahead This is so cool. Exactly what I wanted for me.
I felt like crying. But what’s the point ? And everybody will feel bad, than they’ll try to cheer me up, might work, but they’ll feel bad ’cause they will feel responsable. Partly true. But hey, what’s the point ? That will not give me a future.
So my own little enterprise is my future, I just have to … I don’t know, pray really hard to forget my dreams and … try to dream new one but that means learning to dream again. Ha !